Most of my life I’ve been a runner. I don’t enjoy conflict or pain, so I’d run. Like Moses, when he messed up, he ran away and found himself in the perfect place to be found by God.
I found myself in that same place time and time again. Taking matters into my own hands, only to run from the consequences of my decisions. Each time encountering the grace and love of God, through suffering and accountability.
11 years ago I was baptized. Looking back it was out of ignorance, obligation, approval and religion. I thought if I was baptized it would magically change me. Although I may have meant well, it wasn’t the right reason.
***Fast forward January 2022*** Sunday morning during baptism I heard the Lord say, “Get baptized.” I thought, ok, the next time they do baptism I will. After all, I’ve lived a whole lot of life since the last time I took the plunge and have grown in my walk with Christ, as well as my understanding of obedience and surrender.
A few days later. I received a text message on my 35th birthday from someone very close to my heart and it read: “Happy birthday to you!!! 🎊 Enjoy your special day and know that you are loved!” I’ve always struggled with knowing/feeling/believing I was loved. And from that day my heart and mind underwent a transformation I didn’t see coming. I literally cried everyday, from the smallest thing, to the deepest of hidden things (believe me, not intentionally). Anyone who knows me, knows how I feel about crying.
While attending a friend’s baby shower I heard the Lord say, “These are your people. They have been all along.” In that moment I felt surrounded. I felt covered. I felt loved. I believed, therefore I was able to receive.
There are several stories/moments like this that took place the entire month of February, leading up to February 27th, the day I was baptized, with full understanding of what I was doing-I was surrendering. I was telling the world my life is not my own and I’m done running. I’m called and chosen and I’m answering the call of God on my life. I am loved, I am surrounded, I belong.
As I stepped into the water, the beautiful Doe Jones began to sing, “I’ve searched the world and it couldn’t fill me. Man’s empty praise, treasures that fade are never enough.” Such appropriate words to tell of my search in all the wrong places for what I’ve had all along; the approval and love of my Heavenly Father.
This time I took the plunge I was excited to tears. I’ve experienced some deep healing and the grace of God in a way that words escape me. Yes, it was a process, painful at times, but well worth the journey to surrender.
There’s truly nothing better than you Jesus.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,”-1 Peter 5:6 ESV
“And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”-Luke 9:23 ESV
Song reference: Graves Into Gardens (Elevation Worship)
gazellegatherings.com 