As this year draws to a close, I find myself thinking about the courage I’ve had to have all year long – in every high & low of it.
The courage to tell myself that it is well with my soul, although it felt as though I was coming undone in the worst ways. The courage to say yes or no when I was conflicted about either or. To open up about the sexual abuse I endured well into my teen years and accept that it had a whole lot to do with so many failed relationships….this took so much courage and gave me back more.
I can’t tell you the amount of courage it took for me to allow myself to actually cry or receive empathy from another human being in my darkest of days. Yes, it hurt when one person walked away, but I allowed myself to hope when another walked in and bore the burden of my pain.
Courage to know when to hold my sword and shield close, in place of fear and anxiety (always).
Giving people the responsibility for their actions and taking that responsibility when it belonged to me.
I exercised that same courage when I traveled to a new state by myself to meet my favorite artist (shoutout to Tori Kelly ). And the time I stood on a stage in front of a thousand people in complete stage fright only to make the crowd laugh at my lack of knowing what was even happening (best story of all time)!
Courage has been my closest friend in this season as I found ways to get back to me.
I’m 2 months shy of my 38th birthday and I feel as though I’ve been born again for the first time.
Grateful, thankful and expectant of the beauty God promises for ashes; knowing joy comes in the morning. I have found comfort in the Psalms and the hugs of my babies. I enjoy solitude in a new light and grateful to share it with my husband.
Nothing is ever wasted. To God be the glory.
I’ll be taking a social media break, but will hopefully expound on this post and more via my personal blog.
Have a Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everyone. Cheers to healing, wholeness and happiness.
All my love,
Tab🤍
“Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. We are afflicted in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be displayed in our body. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’s sake, so that Jesus’s life may also be displayed in our mortal flesh. So then, death is at work in us, but life in you. And since we have the same spirit of faith in keeping with what is written, I believed, therefore I spoke, we also believe, and therefore speak. For we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you. Indeed, everything is for your benefit so that, as grace extends through more and more people, it may cause thanksgiving to increase to the glory of God. Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”-2 Corinthians 4:7-18 CSB
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