Recently I purchased a board game called, “Social Skills” for our homeschooled babes and 1 of the 4 games is called empathy. Zachary and I know how important it is to teach our children to be able to think about others and their feelings; especially how our actions and words may affect them. We know it’s one thing to play a board game that talks about empathy, but to be in a situation where you can actually exercise that empathy muscle, is when you get to show what you’ve learned as well as what you could learn more of.
I had been doing my best to keep it together for weeks. At this point there was no more bottling it up. I had silently been crying for days, not letting anyone in, just dealing with it on my own. This particular day Zachary was home early from work and I just needed a minute to myself, so I took a hot bath and just cried. I called Zachary via cell phone, from the bathtub and we talked a little bit about what was going on because at that point I had been rude to him and that made me feel worse. I opened up just enough that he would know that it was me and not him. After we got off of the phone I cried even more. Eventually, I gathered myself to move on with the day; got dressed I sat on the edge of my bed, puffy eyed and quiet. Ezra came to my door, “Mom, you were here this whole time?”, he went on to play. Soon after Zara walked in and sat next to me. She was talking and then leaned in to look at me. “Mom, your eyes are so red. Oh, I wish you didn’t have allergies.” I explained to her that I had actually been crying this time and it caused my eyes to be red and puffy. “Why were you crying?”, she asked. Then Hazel walked up to me and Zara got up and walked out of the room. Ezra laid on my bed and Zachary stood close by as I explained why I had been crying, which led to tears flowing. “I just wish someone understood me.” I said in between sobs and with a knot in my throat. Zara walked back in the room and said something to me that I know only the Lord gave her the language for. Not even knowing what I was so hurt about, she spoke directly to that place and then hugged me and said, “I understand.” Because of what she said, I knew she understood very well what I was feeling. I was done a that point. Hazel, leaned and said, “Oh mom, I’ve never seen you cry like that before.” and Ezra asked, “Mom are you ok?” I reassured them that I would be ok and that I usually don’t cry in front of them because I don’t want them to worry about me. We all hugged and asked for a minute and they all left the room.
That evening as we were going to bed Zachary, in true fashion, let me know how important it was and is to let the kids in. He shared how beautiful it was to see our babies love on me as he stood there and watched. We talked a bit more and called it a night.
In a vulnerable moment I was surrounded with such pure love, care and empathy. And I could have missed it, had I not opened up, even just a little bit. I find myself wanting to protect others or look out for them so much that I don’t allow others to protect and look out for me. I haven’t quite learned fully how to trust myself again, after mistakingly letting the wrong people in these past few years. As much as my world has changed, it’s changed me. So I’m learning all over again what it is I actually need in this season of my life. I do believe God knew my babies in that moment was exactly what I needed. So I trust that He will continue to provide for every one of my needs and the delighted wants of my heart.
“The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he saves those crushed in spirit.”-Psalms 34:18 CSB
“….weeping may stay overnight, but there is joy in the morning.”-Psalms 30:5 CSB
“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”-Psalms 147:3 CSB
“Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy.”-Psalms 126:5 CSB
“Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 CSB
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